The first snow

I had to makeup some sort of lie to satisfy my parents. I hated lying to them, but if I told them I had no idea where my new boyfriend of two weeks was taking us, they wouldn’t have been keen on the idea.

So when I heard his horn in the driveway, “Hey, Mom… Me and Brian are going to the library,” I said as I shrugged on my coat.

All she responded was, “Brian and I are going to the library,” she corrected. “Just be back before dinner, and Brian is invited to join us if he’d like,” she added casually. But I knew she was dying to get to know him. She wanted to get to know all my boyfriends, a symptom of having an only child I guessed.

I tugged on the handle of his black two-door Grand Am, swung the door open and sat beside him. The inside of his car usually smelled just like he did, more than a little touch of whatever cologne he was wearing.

The weather was cool, most of the leaves were gone from the trees and the football season for our high school team had ended. When I shut my door, I could feel he had the car toasty warm for us.

“Hi,” he said flashing his amazing smile at me. The butterflies in my stomach usually jumped to life at the mere thought of this smile, but now that I was face to face with it, they were a fluttering frenzy.

“Hi, yourself,” I said and he grabbed at my hand and interlaced our fingers together. See, I told you, boyfriend and girlfriend.

“Are you ready for our afternoon together,” he asked pulling out of the driveway.

“Sure. But I think it would be really helpful if I knew what we were doing,” he hadn’t even dropped any hints yesterday at school which I was sure he would. Okay, so I pestered the crap out of him by sending him notes and tugging on his arm all day.

“It’s for me to know, and you to find out when we get there,” he was teasing me, and it was so adorable. He had the most amazing sea-green eyes, paired with that smile we already discussed, and the fact he played guitar better than anyone I know, not that I know many people who do, mind you… AND the little known fact he was a hopeless romantic usually had me reduced to mush.

“Fine.” I said, still smiling at him. I tried to pretend I was offended, but no such luck. I was just so happy to be heading somewhere with him that not much else mattered.

I noticed we were heading out of town, taking one of the state routes that led to no man’s country. Okay, I’m sure there are people there, just not as many as in the suburbs where we lived. Half an hour later, after I ranted on about the paper I was writing for our English class, we were taking a small one lane drive to a small deserted parking lot. There was a hill before us, and a path of cement stairs that led to the top of the hill. But for the most part, all that surrounded us were small fields and trees.

“We’re here,” he said as he parked the car and shut off the engine.

“Oh,” was the only thing I could think of to say. Maybe he had brought me here to make out in his car with absolutely no one around. Not that I was completely against the idea, but what if he wanted more? I just wasn’t ready for that.

“Brian,” I began, but he opened his car door, “Wait, We’re getting out?”

He chuckled at me, “Yeah, come on.”

He was around to my side of the car before I could stand, “I don’t get what all this is…”

“You’ll see,” he smiled. He took my hand and let me up the cement stairs which looked almost unnatural in this mostly untouched environment.

But we climbed and climbed and climbed until we both were gasping for breath and we finally reached the top of the hill.

I looked down, and was… shocked. “What is this?” I found myself saying.

“This is a levee, a dam, manmade of course. They built this is in 1937, right after half the town west of here flooded over. They had to move everything north of the tributary, but since then, they keep the floods controlled with this,” he said nodding to the huge cement structure.

It was, almost beautiful, the way the rocks surrounded the cement structure and how 5 little streams of water flowed from the bottom into a stream that wound its way through a forest of tall trees. We walked down a few more steps to a side walk that lined the side of the levy and I leaned against the silver pipe guardrail to get a better look down. I was so entranced by the flowing water I barely noticed his arm had snaked around my waist. And just as I had suspected, on a cool day like this, there was no one around, maybe for miles.

“What do you think,” he whispered in my ear, and I shivered. He hugged his arm tighter around my waist thinking I was chilly, but I was far from it.

“I think it’s fascinating. I don’t know why…” I added. I was a city girl through and through, I often complained that our quaint little suburb was too boring for me.

He kissed me high on my cheek and said, “There’s a trail that winds through the woods, that way. We can take a walk if you’d like.”

I looked to my right and saw the entrance to the trail. It had been raining lately, and if the ground was even the tinsiest bit soggy, my favorite pair of shoes was going to be covered in mud. Okay, so I’m a bit of a priss that way. Sue me.

“Maybe another time, when it’s a bit warmer,” I tried reason.

“It’s the shoes isn’t it,” he joked.

“Yeah,” I nodded and he chuckled.

“That’s fine Jess. I just wanted to bring you here, show you something you wouldn’t normally see.”

“Don’t lie Mr. Moore, you just wanted to steal me away,” I sassed.

His arm that wasn’t around me caught my chin and turned my face to look at him. His eyes grew darker and a smile curled across his lips, causing my throat to close up. He pressed his forehead against mine and said ever so softly, “more than you know.”

My legs went weak and I was thankful he had me around the waist. But then he tilted my chin up a bit more and pressed his lips to mine for only the 4th time in the two weeks we had been going out. I touched his cheek and he deepened the kiss causing so many reactions within my body my head started to spin. His tongue was so gentle upon my lips and then he softly touched his tongue to mine. And I whimpered. Oh God, I whimpered like a little puppy.

He chuckled and lifted up and looked into my eyes. It was no shock to me when I realized the entire earth had fallen away and we were just two people, intertwined, staring into each other’s eyes. He brushed the back of his hand down along my cheek and I realized they had gone red with cold, as did his.

“Come with me real quick.” He grabbed my hand and we walked toward the trees and the gaping hole that was the entrance to the trail. But we passed that and followed the tree line further up the hill. We walked until we were further up the hill and the only thing we could see was the forest of trees behind us and the down slope of the hill rolling away from us, where more trees stood at the bottom. It was just us, in this field of grass, feeling completely surrounded by the tall, tall trees.

He stopped and turned so that he was right in front of me, still grasping my hand. He smiled again and I wrapped my arms around his waist and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

“Did you know I’ve wanted to ask you out since the first day of school,” he said suddenly.

My mouth dropped open, “No, I didn’t.”

“I saw you up on a ladder, putting up one of the cheerleading posters with some other girl, and even though you were 3 ft off the ground, stretching upward to tape the corner, you were yelling at the girl for being a nit wit and making the banner so huge.”

I laughed, “Yeah, Simone is still touchy with me over that one.”

“I thought, now here is a girl who’s not afraid, who speaks her mind and is insanely beautiful,” he hugged me tighter to him and I gasped as I felt, him, pressed against my hip.

I chuckled nervously, “I wish I were braver,” I said mostly to myself, because if I was braver… me and the rest of him would be getting more acquainted, if you know what I mean.

“You are brave, Jess. I’m so glad you didn’t smack me or refuse to leave the car when I brought you here. You’re amazing, and I wanted an amazing place to tell you that.”

Oh damn it; there I went with the waterworks. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to blink back the tears, “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

A tear managed to escape and he quickly wiped it away, and cupped my face to brush his lips against mine. My eyes slid closed and I waited for something, okay, I expected to get the tongue like I did before, but he lifted up, and when I opened my eyes… I noticed.

“Wow. If you planned this, I’m bowing down to the master.” I said in wonder. The first snow of the season had begun to float gently to the ground.

He pulled me in a hug, kissed my forehead and chuckled. “I knew it was supposed to snow today, but they’ve been calling for it for the past two days and we’ve seen nothing.”

“Third time’s a charm,” I murmured to his chest, breathing in deeply to smell him and pausing in the moment to etch it on my brain. Moments like these are few and far between, but somehow I had the feeling that Brian Moore would try to out do himself every chance he got.

He squeezed me tighter, though briefly, and released me. Suddenly I was very cold, and just wanted back in his arms.

“Let’s go Jess, it’s freezing out here,” he grabbed my hand and led me back to those damned steps, though I was happy to be traveling down them this time.

Inside the car that had cooled off, he took both of my hands and placed a soft kiss on my lips. He looked like he was about to say something, but turned to the steering column and drove us out of there.

The rest of the afternoon he’d planned a gathering of friends and we hung out and listened to Brian play guitar and sing while we all joined in. It was a wonderful afternoon and one I knew I would never forget.

Looking back… if he would have said what I thought he was going to say, I just might have said it back.

Shannon

Shannon was a curvy blond with full lips and clear blue eyes. She had unmatched heart and compassion and the intelligence to rival any large company's CFO. Shannon may not have known what she wanted to do with her life had it not been for her parents. Very well off, but determined to serve their community any way they could, Shannon often spent time downtown with mother at the Women's and Children's center cooking meals, making beds, and lending an ear. Shannon was determined to become a social worker, and do good things for the families of her community.

Late one night, Shannon was called to the residence next to Matthew's home. When she had arrived, Matthew sat on the front lawn with the family's two year old son and three year old daughter in his lap while the police officers had the parents inside.

"Matthew? What's going on?"

"I called the cops. You could hear them breaking everything in their house from a block away. I'm pretty sure there's a mirror destroyed in there somewhere. This is Randy and Rachel. I think they're okay here with me if you want to talk to the police."

"Sure, Hi Randy. Hi Rachel. My name is Shannon, I'll be right back okay?" Both the children nodded their tear streaked faces.

A talk with the police revealed that this was the third time this month they had been called there, and both parents were visibly inebriated and unable to prevent long slurred strings of vulgarities from their mouths. A quick inspection of the house revealed: the children's room reeked of urine and their beds, just mattresses on the floor, were laden with visibly dirty linens, underneath the shattered mirror in the bathroom crawled insects of various types, and the food in the kitchen wouldn't feed an adult let alone a small family. A recollection of the children sitting in Matthew's lap and Shannon concluded this may be why the children looked more like 1 and 2 instead of 2 and 3 years old.

Shannon made a few calls and told the police where the children would be going.

Shannon confronted the couple with the police standing behind her.

"Mr. and Mrs. Camp..." Shannon tried to get their attention.

"Mister and Missus Camp!" Shannon said forcefully so they would hear and stop bickering.

"This is about your children! You are going to listen to me and listen good!" When she had their attention, she knew it would be moments before she didn't have it again.

"Your children are coming with me and will be placed in a secure, loving environment while you sober up in jail. I will contact you soon about the care you have been providing for your children and the care you will be providing in the future. Do you understand?" The pair nodded shamefully and immediately began bickering with each other again.

Shannon sighed and turned around to see Matthew standing in the doorway with a child in each arm.

"I think this one needs changed." He lifted the small boy up slightly.

"Okay," and she thanked the officers for calling her.

"Common, we're going to take them across town, do you want to come?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm up. Might as well help." Matthew followed Shannon out to her car, still with a child in each arm, and watched as Shannon opened her trunk. She peered over at children for a second and began taking out two car seats.

"Do you carry those in your trunk all the time?" He said half jokingly.

"Yeah I do." It took Shannon a few more minutes to get the car seats securely latched into her back seat.

As they drove away, the children began to cry for mommy and daddy who were being put in the back of the police cruisers.

Knowing the routine, Shannon knew nothing would comfort the children until they were safe in their new location.

"Where are we taking them?" Matthew asked trying to be heard above the children's cries.

"There's a family across town that takes in cases like these. Corrine is a large black woman, incredibly loving and has everything under the sun these kids will need. She's saved my butt a few times."

When they pulled up infront of Corrine's house, she was waiting in the doorway in the glow of the porch light.

With the children still crying, Matthew and Shannon carried the children into the house.

"Couldn't leave mommy and daddy in the house 'til you were gone?" Corrine said in despair.

"You know how the new ones are, Corrine, they think just because the kids are in the car they won't see. Gets them all worked up just as bad, maybe worse. This one needs changed, hell, they both look like they need baths. Rachel, here, she's 3, but I really don't think she's potty trained."

"It's awwright, Chile" Corrine said in a thick drawl as she took the little boy.

"We can stay and help Corrine if you need us to," Shannon offered.

"Naw, honey, I think Shayna is awake upstairs. She can help. These yungin's got to get used to us anyway."

"All right, thanks Corrine, I'll be in touch."

"Goodnight you two."

As Shannon and Matthew walked back to her car, he asked "Does that happen often?"

"About once a month in general. But this is only the beginning, the breaking point for this family. We have a lot of rebuilding to do."

"Yeah," he said pensively.

"You okay? I'm sure that wasn't a picnick for you either." She looked at him hard to try to read his expression which was mostly worn and worried.

"I'm okay. I'm glad. I'm really glad." He paused for a moment. She thought he could only be thinking the countless times that might have been him in that situation, but there had been no Shannon for him then.

"Hey Shannon..." They had seated themselves in the car.

"Yeah Matt..." She looked back at him curiously.

"Thanks. For being there," and Matthew laid one of his large rough hands on top of her small pale hand leaving her speechless.

Phil

Phil sulked in the corner. Maybe he was hoping to blend in with the couch and the walls, but he wanted more than ever just to talk to her. His plan, really, was to start with a simple "Hello" and try from there. If she didn't smack him immediately after, he might have a shot.

A multitude of people mingled and shuffled about. He only spotted a few familiar faces. He was still rehearsing his speech in his head when he caught Emily's eye.

"You know Phil, I was really being polite when I said you were still invited. I really hadn't faintest idea you would still show." She shoved a newly opened beer bottle into his hand.

"I know. I figured. I just thought, if I could just get this out..." He ran his fingers through his messy brown hair, a second later his bangs hung back over his forehead.

"No, you're not. I think you should leave... and I'm telling you this because I'm your friend." Emily looked around nervously. "If she even catches you here, I'll be calling for an ambulance, and I'm having a pretty good party here."

"It's lovely."

"Don't suck up."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Just go. I'll call you soon..." Emily was about to say something else when she noticed Phil's eyes had focused on something over her shoulder and his face had frozen.

"Phil?" Emily asked right before something, someone had brushed right through her right arm and shoulder.

"You have some nerve showing up here," and in one motion Phil had moved his beer to his side, and Tristan, in a seething rush of black hair had started poking him in the shoulder.

"Hello?" He said shakily.

"Fuck you, Phil! What the blue fuck were you thinking!" The entire rooom had quieted right then to hear the shrill crack of her open palm meeting his cheek. Phil had opened his eyes just in time to catch her spin around, long black hair flying as the crowd parted to let her through and away from Phil.

Matthew

When Matthew and Eli got together they usually drank and philosophized about the world. This was not one of those times.

"If I had tail like Bethany chasin' after me, she wouldn't be the one doin' all the chasin', know what I'm sayin!" Eli took another swig of his 4th beer as Matthew cracked open only his second.

"If you had tail like Bethany chasing you, you wouldn't know what to do with yourself." That remark got him a nice jab to the arm.

"All I'm sayin' is you have the perfect girl right in front of you, and you haven't had the balls to seal the deal. What happened to my star football player? That's all I'm sayin'."

Matthew let that comment hang in the air for a moment.

"That's all I'm sayin'" Eli slurred again.

Maybe Eli was right. He had "sealed the deal" as Eli so eloquently put it, but Matthew wasn't going to tell him that. But what was he doing? There was something between he and Bethany that just never felt right. But for all the thinking in the world, he had no idea what it was.

"I know what it is, Bro. You... You're in love with that Shannon chick."

Matthew's head snapped to look at Eli sharply. Eli was drunk.

Eli took Matthew's silence for a response, "How could you? Man... She's fat."

"She's not fat." Matthew said quietly.

"Duuude, I calls 'em, how I sees 'em." Eli finished the last half of his beer in one swallow.

"Fuck you, Eli."

Tender Old Tree

The grass rippled slowly from the wind's gentle touch
as the flowers reached for warmth of sunshine.
I saw at the base of a tender old tree
too young, one love, two hearts.

For all his misfortune and maddening tradgedy
he remained compassionate and hopeful.
He could have retreated, he could have dismissed
but he knew he needed to be near.

She was uncertain and shy, his presence
leaving her speechless and bewildered.
A tick of maturity and a gentle young woman
blossomed the romance in his heart.

Under the protection of the tender old tree
they've a comfort and security they've never known.
It's not on their minds the quickly passing days
and what the future is fated to behold.

All there is:
the sounds of the winds,
the warm touch of their skin,
and present's treasured gift.

Matthew

It had been ages since Matthew sped along the country road that had neither lines nor shoulder. The sun shone brightly in a pale blue sky, and the twittering birds were an indication that spring was in full swing. Matthew had noticed the farmers hadn't been out to the fields yet with last year's crop dry, brown and lifeless still lined in their rows. The sprawling lawns of the country houses out here were vibrant green with yellow dandelions liberally peppered throughout.

Not that Matthew had a physical destination as he drove, he was trying to grasp a concept in his head that made sense neither to his head nor heart. It was a wonderful offer. A promising opportunity had never presented itself to him for as long as he could remember. It was work he loved. It was work he knew he could do day after day with no regret or fatigue. The allure to Matthew not only was the pay like he'd never imagined for himself, but sense of respect he'd begun to have for himself when he realized this was completely possible.

But it would mean leaving her behind. Even before, when he thought there would never be a human being he could relate to or confide in she was there waiting patiently and eventually extracted him from the cage he'd made himself. He never thought in a million years he'd be leaving her or that she would ever follow him where he needed to go. She was so rooted with these people and she too loved her work here helping them all.

His truck found his way on a dirt path that lead to a tiny clearing beside the river. He hadn't realized where he was until he was remembering his last time here on the riverbank. They'd thrown a blanket down, brought a basket of food, fished until sundown and made love there in the moonlight. But that had been last summer and it felt like a world away.

He wanted to run away. If he just up and left, would she miss him and continue life with out him? Matthew knew that was just his demons talking and walked back through the clearing stooping to run his fingers through the fresh green grass. This time when Matthew climbed in his truck, he had a destination and he was certain he'd fight to take her with him.

Take me on an airplane

If I were on an airplane
I'd be the highest version of myself.
Going to a strange place and strange land
experiencing a brand new me.

If I were on an airplane
I'd be leaving.
And what is left behind
I needn't think about nor care about.

Take me on an airplane
because I don't know if I can be
here.

Take me on an airplane
because I'd much rather be
there.

Dear Z,

I thought about you today. I thought about the last time we shared a moment together. It was so brief. But somehow after all that time, I could read you. It was painful, because I knew.

It made me wish we had all that time back.

I wouldn't have been so demanding or selfish. I would have listened. I might have sung you a song, maybe written my own. I definitely would have looked deep in your eyes and told you that you were somebody. That someday you'll know where you're going and you'll finally feel comfortable in your own skin. I should have been more to you than a dream you were chasing after.

Someday I'll tell you just how much I think about you, and just how sorry I am.

M.